I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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