HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
