Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
