I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
