he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
