His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
