im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
