Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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