Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My bed smells like the plague
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
