Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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