I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
did you just send me my own nude
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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