coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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