bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
