No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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