just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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