Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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