I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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