Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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