just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
