I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
