yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
