i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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