I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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