I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
