I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
