You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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