Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
