i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
