Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
