I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
