I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
