my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
