she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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