If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
