I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
