what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh god it's open bar.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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