I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
