do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
