We're facebook friends in real life
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.