you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual