Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
