You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
