dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS