Girls should come with a carfax report
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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