Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.

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  (916): People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks. http://tfl.nu/z8b4
  Replies (3) Good night (953) Bad night (498)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

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  (678): I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes. http://tfl.nu/k74c
  Replies (75) Good night (1037) Bad night (15502)
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  (353): View more from

  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

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  (353): i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash http://tfl.nu/bafg
  Replies (22) Good night (5729) Bad night (769)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

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  (936): I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway". http://tfl.nu/2ye8
  Replies (39) Good night (965) Bad night (3414)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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  (913): No, drunk sperm still make babies. http://tfl.nu/xn33
  Replies (15) Good night (1062) Bad night (5608)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  This is the prime rib incident all over again

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  (561): This is the prime rib incident all over again http://tfl.nu/74hx
  Replies (14) Good night (3278) Bad night (1190)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.

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  (218): Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county. http://tfl.nu/h5dk
  Replies (12) Good night (1440) Bad night (738)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this

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  (708): Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this http://tfl.nu/2xjb
  Replies (4) Good night (665) Bad night (1513)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Restraining order pending?

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  (334): She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper (205): Restraining order pending? http://tfl.nu/xpcn
  Replies (6) Good night (1329) Bad night (571)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.

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  (541): Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion. http://tfl.nu/wgt6
  Replies (4) Good night (871) Bad night (456)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm two sheets to the sexual wind

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  (859): I'm two sheets to the sexual wind http://tfl.nu/hwsp
  Replies (6) Good night (1158) Bad night (564)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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  (719): I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in. http://tfl.nu/k5k2
  Replies (11) Good night (2389) Bad night (979)
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  (714): View more from California

  I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time

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  (714): I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time http://tfl.nu/bvah
  Replies (8) Good night (977) Bad night (413)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it

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  (316): Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it http://tfl.nu/i3st
  Replies (5) Good night (1337) Bad night (378)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.

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  (847): It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. http://tfl.nu/lbnp
  Replies (0) Good night (587) Bad night (290)

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