i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
