For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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