help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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