btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
