when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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