Can i not drive my cunt home
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
