She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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