Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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