My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
