So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
