READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
