Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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