capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
