So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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