You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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