You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize