i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
