Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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