I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
