Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
