so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
