idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's shark week go big or go home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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