just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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