dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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