I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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