A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
