Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I deserve this hangover.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
