9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
