yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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