and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
