i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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