I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
