Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
