I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
