Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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