I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
