Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
