im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
